Engaging

I had the moms over for playgroup at my house this week.  I spent the morning before vacuuming up the last crumbs, wiping counters but it seemed that everywhere I looked there was a mess to clean up, a crusty hand print here, a spot in the carpet to clean, a dirty handle (Amy loves that she can reach cabinets while sitting in her high chair).

With Amy crawling and cruising along the couch (do you really think it's possible that my baby would learn how to crawl and then walk in the same month?), there are many more things to worry about.  Little pieces of geo tracks and screws to the construction set.  There are dangers lurking everywhere and I have to be on my toes all the time.

With all this life happening here, I have been making some adjustments in myself.   How easy it is to check out and to just do what needs to be done.  The stresses of having two very young children are high. I feel like I'm putting out fires instead of getting ahead.  I'm running around crazy trying to manage everyone's schedules, food intake, and plan the next step.
 
Well, I've decided that I'm tired of just surviving. The thought that has been running over and over in my head is the word engage.  I want to not just be meeting the needs but fully engaging.  To me this means that I am taking the extra time to look in their little faces and really meet their needs, to read another story even when all I want to do is say, "why aren't you sleeping!?"  I know the type of mom that I want to be but honestly the tiredness has overtaken me and I haven't been doing all the things but I'm going to try a little harder. 

I don't just want to engage as a parent but in my home.  I build this life here.  When I am engaged, I am not just cleaning the essentials half heartedly (you know that cleaning has never been my strong suit, you can even ask my mom), but I am trying to make it a comfortable, clean place.  I'm organizing the closets, I'm hanging up decorations.  I want my life to be purposeful.

This thought of trying to live "engaged" has been a big boost and motivation to keep trying.

I was reading a talk today by Joseph B. Wirthlin that I thought was incredibly profound and wanted to share with you.  You can find it here.  He began the talk with a story of a horse named Snowman.  The horse was old and discarded when a man purchased him and brought him home to his family.  It was discovered that he wanted to jump and he went on to win competition after competition. There was greatness in this most unlikely creature and I'd like to think there can be greatness in me too.  That greatness can only be found if I try.

Elder Wirthlin says,"As illustrated in the story of an old, discarded horse that had within him the soul of a champion, there is within each of us a divine spark of greatness. Who knows of what we are capable if we only try? The abundant life is within our reach if only we will drink deeply of living water, fill our hearts with love, and create of our lives a masterpiece."

"We are sons and daughters of an immortal, loving, and all-powerful Father in Heaven. We are created as much from the dust of eternity as we are from the dust of the earth. Every one of us has potential we can scarcely imagine.

How is it possible, then, that so many see themselves merely as an old, gray horse that isn’t good for much? There is a spark of greatness within every one of us—a gift from our loving and eternal Heavenly Father. What we do with that gift is up to us."

The abundant life does not come to us packaged and ready-made. It’s not something we can order and expect to find delivered with the afternoon mail. It does not come without hardship or sorrow.

Love the Lord with all your heart, might, mind, and strength. Enlist in great and noble causes. Create of your homes sanctuaries of holiness and strength. Fill your minds with learning. Strengthen your testimonies. Reach out to others.  Create of your life a masterpiece.

I make my life.  This is one of those major lessons I learn over and over, I am the one who makes my life and I want it to be a happy one.  I am engaging.  I am trying.