Mountains and Trees

I grew up in Grantsville.  My family has lived in this little town for four generations.  I like to joke that my "people" sacrificed everything to walk across the United States to Utah and now I live in Virginia.

We are coming up on our second anniversary this summer.  That's not completely accurate because out of the last five years, we've spent four of them living in VA.  I guess that I've noticed a shift lately, and especially on our last trip out at the end of March.  Utah doesn't really feel like home anymore.  All those years that I lived away, I always considered my home to be Utah.  My family was there, my best friend, all of my favorite places to shop, a common culture....it was all there but I've felt a shift.  We are settled here in our life and our home.  It's a good feeling to not feel quite so torn between the two places. 

Back in February, my parents announced that they would be taking a job in Chicago.  This doesn't seem like groundbreaking news.  People move all the time, I just read of a good friend here today who was moving.  But, you see, my parents have lived in Grantsville for nearly 60 years.  In my childhood, we lived in two houses, around the block from each other.  You can see how a move to Chicago would be big news. 

I'm excited for them to go, everyone should have some big adventures in their life.  Knowing that this move was imminent certainly changed the trip for me.  People move on, lives change but there was so much about my "Utah life" that didn't really change much.  Yet, now even my most stable anchors are venturing out for something new.  It all has made me realize how much I've changed and all I've experienced as I've moved.

While I was out visiting, I couldn't get enough of the mountain views.  The sweeping landscape is the complete opposite of our home here.  The vast landscapes with no people that stretched as far as I could see were majestic.  There really aren't big wide open spaces like that here.  I think I forgot how open it could be, how big the sky was.  This probably sounds silly but it was like seeing my life, each part so starkly different from the other.  Each has their beauties and their flaws, as does everything in life.  

 

Not the Same

One of my good friends is preparing for a move this next month.  I'm going to miss her so much.  When she announced that they were taking this three year assignment, I had a rush of emotions.  Obviously I was sad that she was moving but the real feeling was, "oh my gosh, you have no idea what you are in for."  I wanted to say that it is the hardest thing you will ever do, picking up a life and starting somewhere new.  I yearned to say how it would take a long time to stop missing the last place, the people you cared about there and your life.  To tell her how challenging it is to set everything up again, to find doctors, preschools, heck, even a good grocery store.

I wanted to say that it was completely uncomfortable in every way for a year, or maybe more.  I was talking to a friend about this and she said that the discomfort means that you're growing and increasing capability.  That's a really positive way to look at it, I wish I was always so positive.  The growing pains are real.  You'll question why you are doing this, even if you had strong promptings that it was right.  You'll have to put yourself out there over and over again, talk to strangers, join groups.  There won't be anyone that really knows you for a long time so you have to get better at telling your story and reaching out.

The kids will stop sleeping, or maybe never learn how to sleep for a long time.  They'll ask to see people that you can't see and go to places that they can't go and it will be sad.

Eventually, it starts to get easier.  Maybe a year or two in, it's not uncomfortable all the time.  You start to figure out where things are and don't have to use GPS to get everywhere.  A friend or two is made and there is someone to have a face to face genuine and real conversation.

Instead of overwhelming her with all of that, I said, it's hard but you'll figure it out.  You'll make new friends, you'll begin to find the places that are "yours," you know, the restaurants, the stores, the parks that you love that are comfortable.  There are good people everywhere that will welcome you.  You'll be stronger and better for it.

I guess I was afraid to really express how hard it has really been.  Maybe making the leap to move is scary enough without all the details.  It's kind of like becoming a mother.  When I was pregnant, I was so excited to have this new little person that I didn't think about all that goes along with parenthood.  If you are a parent, you know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes it's better without all the details, because they will figure it out.  Just like I wouldn't tell an expectant mother, "oh just you wait until...," I figure, she'll discover it all on her own. 

The thing about these big, life changing choices, like moving or becoming a parent, they change you.  They make you completely lose it and then somehow come back together again but stronger.  I am not the same person that I was two years ago, for better and some ways worse, I'm different.  I've learned things about myself, I've grown up.  Heber and I know that we can face anything together and build a life anywhere.  I can go into uncomfortable situations and make new friends.  I know that I can be resilient and determined.

My friend is about to embark on this journey, I know she'll figure it out but she won't be the same either.

Gunston Hall

I visited Gunston Hall with a friend today.  We loaded our kids up in strollers and went down to see this historic estate, the home of Founding Father George Mason.

I have been to Gunston Hall once before, it was exactly 11 months ago, to the day.  The Hall was the last thing we saw before leaving Virginia the first time.  We put our entire life on a truck, stayed with friends (thank you Blake's!) and visited Gunston Hall before flying out. 

Nov. 1, 2013, about 30 weeks pregnant

2013, don't we look tired?

Seeing it again, nearly a year later, brought back so many memories from that time.  I was expecting Amy, our life was changing so completely but we knew that the job wasn't going to be what we'd hoped for even then.  I didn't want to leave but I wanted to be with my family and friends in Utah.  It's a lot of emotions mixed up.  

All things considered, I'm happy with where our life is at the moment.  It's been a crazy 11 months but I've learned so much.  I still miss my family in Utah, my friends, but I think I will always yearn for something different (mostly because the things that I want are 2,000 miles apart).  It's choosing to be happy in the now that's important.  This is my life now, lets make it a happy one.

I really enjoyed my day today.  Good company, neat place. 

 

Amy had to be playing where the "big" kids were. 

New House

Our last day in the hotel.

It's been a whirlwind week here.  We closed on the house on Wednesday and signed a 2 inch stack of documents.  We are officially mortgage holders and home owners.  It feels so grown up.

We moved right into the house, even thought the truck with all of our belongings wasn't set to arrive for a couple of days.  Camping in our house seemed way better than another night in the hotel.  32 nights was more than enough for me, and for the kids too.  We took ourselves to Costco and bought a mattress (because, living here, we know there will be more than enough friends and family to visit us in the coming years). 

The truck came on Friday and within a matter of hours, all of our belongings filled the house, minus one missing shotgun (which we are told was found, just in Utah).  We have started the dance of unpacking, trying to find things and settling in.  I have never been so happy to see my pots and pans in my life.  I didn't think I would ever miss cooking but after weeks of frozen and not quite satisfying meals, I was dying to cook my own food.  I even cooked waffles this morning, which has maybe happened 3 times in the last 5 years.  I'm not a huge breakfast fan but after eating them week after week at the hotel, I really like them. 

 

 Leo and Amy have been loving the new house and all it's space.  Leo runs circles round and round and wants to ride his bike all the time.  They have immediately started sleeping better, which is a welcome change around here.

This house feels different.  We have been in the temporary for so long, not just the hotel but even our condo in Logan, that it is a relief to be in a place that is permanent.  Heber has been dreaming up renovation ideas and I have been painting and painting and painting. 

I have been feeling like quite the flake lately.  I don't have the time or energy to put anything together, my house isn't in any state to invite anyone over and I have a 4 day turn around on emails.  Really, this is maybe the second time in a week that I've sat down at the computer.  I am hoping that as things come together, I won't feel so overwhelmed by it all and can get to the business of building our real life here. 

All things considered, we are happy to be here.  We miss our people, but still feel strongly that this is the place for us. 

Hotel Living

We are in our fourth week in the hotel.  The chaos of moving, flying and finding a place have passed and we are in wait mode.  All the big things are coming together and we are just on hold as we wait for closing to take place and to be able to have all our things out of storage.   Oh, and we've been watching lots of HGTV.

The last time I spent so much time in a hotel was the summers I spent working as a front desk agent in college.  For the most part I really liked working in hotels and have some fond memories, especially since it was about that time that Heber and I were dating and falling in love.  

The past weeks have not been my most favorite time, as you can imagine.  Nobody has been sleeping and Leo had the flu last week.  One of the nights will take a slot on our top 5 worst nights of sleep with the kiddos (Do you have a list like that too?)  It's to the point where I have to laugh about it or I might lose it. 

On a positive note, all the big things are coming into place.  Heb is really liking his new job and we are 4 days away from moving into our new house.  The end is in sight!

Thoughts on Moving and Hope

We have spent the last year almost completely consumed with moving.  We were either trying to decide what to do, planning and preparing for a move, actually moving with the packing/moving of boxes, unpacking and putting things away and then talking about what the next step should be. 

I'm so tired of thinking/talking about it.  Can't we just be done with it already? 

Moving is emotionally and physically draining.  On one end you're trying to say goodbye on the other, the real work starts of building a new life.  Making new friends, finding activities and figuring the new area out.  Moving has been full of deep learning experiences, but maybe I'm ready for life to just be a little easier for a while. 


We went on a walk last week and Heb and I had a discussion about Abraham Lincoln.  (Completely beside the point, but did you know that Lincoln had a copy of the Book of Mormon checked out from the Library of Congress for months until right after the Emancipation Proclamation?)  It had been ages since we've talked about something other than a) moving and all the stuff that goes with it b) kids c) logistics d) Cub Scouts (I kid you not).  I think those things have just been so all consuming. 

I'm so ready to be settled into a place that we can really call home.  It's not that we don't have the means or capacity, its just trying to determine where we want our life to be and how we want to live it.  These are questions that have to be answered thoughtfully. 

At this moment, I'm thinking about hope.  We heard a talk in church today about hope, that it's optimism and trust in God.  For me, hope is signing up for music class, hope is moving forward and making new friends.  Hope is believing that God will answer our prayers because He has before.  So for now, I'm filled with hope.  It's all going to work out.

And, in all the craziness of life decisions, I can't help but be grateful for our life.  Even in uncertainty, it's pretty good.

Super Leo!  Doesn't this just make you smile?

2013 Year in Review

2013 is officially over.  It was quite the year.  I think I've had some of the happiest times of my life this year mostly because of simple things.  I have settled into motherhood and I love being a mom to Leo and find a lot of fulfillment.  I love that I've found hobbies to be excited about.  It's been a year of overcoming some old bad habits and succeeding in ways I just didn't anticipate (like exercising, who knew I could do it consistently?). 

It's also been a rough one with lots of morning sickness and a major move.  I don't think I anticipated that it would be so hard to leave Virginia.  There were definite reasons why we left but it was incredibly hard.  I liked my life there.  I liked me there. 

Leo in the moving truck

To ring in the new year, we wrote down our favorite memory of 2013.  What are the odds that Heber and I would write the exact same thing?  We both wrote down that our favorite was to get pizza and go to Huntsman Park.  It was something we started doing almost every week.  We'd eat our pizza and watch Leo joyfully play at the park.  Shouldn't my favorite be some big memory like Outer Banks?  No, just simple.

Leo at Huntsman Park

I've been sorting through pictures recently and I've been flooded with so many memories of this past year.  It was a good one.  Rough but so good too. 

At Halloween.

Pumpkin Festival with his best bud, Zach

At our neighborhood park.

 

In dad's glasses, shoes, and work badge.  All ready to head to work.  It's twice as funny because his outfit looks just like what Heber wears everyday.

Making discoveries at Hidden Pond Nature Center.

Outer Banks

 

National Botanical Gardens.  Love that place.

The Tidal Basin at cherry blossom time.

National Kite Festival

 

Some of my fish from the glass studio.  I learned so much this year!

Down at one of our regular haunts, Occoquan

Eastern Market

My favorite picture of the year, Leo helping me make cookies.