Not the Same

One of my good friends is preparing for a move this next month.  I'm going to miss her so much.  When she announced that they were taking this three year assignment, I had a rush of emotions.  Obviously I was sad that she was moving but the real feeling was, "oh my gosh, you have no idea what you are in for."  I wanted to say that it is the hardest thing you will ever do, picking up a life and starting somewhere new.  I yearned to say how it would take a long time to stop missing the last place, the people you cared about there and your life.  To tell her how challenging it is to set everything up again, to find doctors, preschools, heck, even a good grocery store.

I wanted to say that it was completely uncomfortable in every way for a year, or maybe more.  I was talking to a friend about this and she said that the discomfort means that you're growing and increasing capability.  That's a really positive way to look at it, I wish I was always so positive.  The growing pains are real.  You'll question why you are doing this, even if you had strong promptings that it was right.  You'll have to put yourself out there over and over again, talk to strangers, join groups.  There won't be anyone that really knows you for a long time so you have to get better at telling your story and reaching out.

The kids will stop sleeping, or maybe never learn how to sleep for a long time.  They'll ask to see people that you can't see and go to places that they can't go and it will be sad.

Eventually, it starts to get easier.  Maybe a year or two in, it's not uncomfortable all the time.  You start to figure out where things are and don't have to use GPS to get everywhere.  A friend or two is made and there is someone to have a face to face genuine and real conversation.

Instead of overwhelming her with all of that, I said, it's hard but you'll figure it out.  You'll make new friends, you'll begin to find the places that are "yours," you know, the restaurants, the stores, the parks that you love that are comfortable.  There are good people everywhere that will welcome you.  You'll be stronger and better for it.

I guess I was afraid to really express how hard it has really been.  Maybe making the leap to move is scary enough without all the details.  It's kind of like becoming a mother.  When I was pregnant, I was so excited to have this new little person that I didn't think about all that goes along with parenthood.  If you are a parent, you know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes it's better without all the details, because they will figure it out.  Just like I wouldn't tell an expectant mother, "oh just you wait until...," I figure, she'll discover it all on her own. 

The thing about these big, life changing choices, like moving or becoming a parent, they change you.  They make you completely lose it and then somehow come back together again but stronger.  I am not the same person that I was two years ago, for better and some ways worse, I'm different.  I've learned things about myself, I've grown up.  Heber and I know that we can face anything together and build a life anywhere.  I can go into uncomfortable situations and make new friends.  I know that I can be resilient and determined.

My friend is about to embark on this journey, I know she'll figure it out but she won't be the same either.