Happiness and Magic

I was just in Leo's room trying to help him settle for the night.  It's 11:00 and I swear he's been out of bed about 10 times.  I went in to talk to him and help him calm down and instead of being frustrated (like I have been for many weeks), I got telling stories.  Story telling is something that was a huge part of my family culture.  We connect by sitting around and telling stories.  I told Leo about our Marbie cat (Leo's favorites are about my pets), and playing in the yellow playhouse.  We laughed and I told him stories from when he was a baby and I felt happy.  I remembered that being a mom is a happy thing. 

I think that I have lost it, you know,  the magic of mothering, heck the magic of life in general.  I guess I expected that it would come to this point, but secretly I never thought it would happen to me.    I would watch those moms at church or at the grocery story, the ones that looked perpetually stressed, worn out and had this hollow expression on their faces and feel sad for them.  I'm never going to be like that, I'd say, and now, I'm one of them.

This is real life.  This is dishes in the sink, nobody napping and me wanting to pull my hair out kind of real.  The past few months, ok, the past year, have been rough.  Two new jobs, 2 cross country moves, a full job hunt for Heber, a new baby, it's been survival mode for a long time.  Survival mode does not make anybody happy.

But I'm slowly coming back to remembering the joy.  On Sunday, I pulled out our huge train set (best consignment sale deal ever!) and I decided that we would set the whole thing up.  Leo and I spent hours putting it together and he's been playing with it for days.

The thing about happiness is that I chose to be happy, and believe me, this is one that I've learned over and over.  There is never going to be a perfect situation, there will always be people and places that I long for.  There is no house, no job, no friendship, no opportunity that is going to make me happy.  It's me.  No matter what, I have to choose to make my life happy and then do the things that make me happy.  Sounds simple but it's something I have to relearn a lot.

I guess I've got my work cut out.  Let's find the magic again.  Let's do the things that make me happy. 

The Beach

When you become a parent, there are these moments that surprise you.  Moments where you feel like you are going to burst with joy.  (Ok, so there are the not so awesome moments too like cleaning up barf and wrestling a little guy who has escaped his diaper change.)

When those moments come, I want to record them, to remember them.  When we were at the beach, I had one of those moments.  As you know, Leo has mastered crawling.  He crawls everywhere and pretty much over any obstacle (even opening our back screen door last night, the stinker).

Kira and her girls (the friends we went with) and I were at the beach.  I must admit that I've never been much of a sand person.  I wasn't one of those warm beach people that lounge in the sand.  My loyalties always lied with the "cool, walk on the beach" kind of beaches.  I half expected Leo to be the same.

Oh boy.  He practically dived into the sand.  He would crawl, stop and examine something, crawl more, let sand drizzle from his hand and then wave his arms in a "this is the coolest thing ever" kind of way.  He didn't even eat that much.

Watching him so happy was the highlight for me.  He was just so curious and thoughtful.  Makes me think that's how I need to live.  Stop and see the seashell, celebrate new discoveries (who knew sand could be so much fun!).  Sit and bask in your surroundings.  And, of course, take a few moments to wave my arms and think "this is so awesome".

I may have crawled in the sand with him, which is saying something for this sand averse mama.