Jumping into the Deep End

I am taking swimming lessons. 

Yes, you read that right.  Swimming lessons.  Like blowing bubbles in the water, learning how to float swimming lessons.  I'm in my mid thirties and thought that I was the only adult in America who didn't know how to swim. This is a big deal.  Signing up for simple swimming lessons shouldn't seem like such a big thing, but for me, this is huge.

Last summer, we were at Bear Lake with my sisters and their families.  The lake glistened so blue and inviting and yet there I sat on the beach.  My young kids, Leo who was five at the time and Amy, who was three, were out jumping on a trampoline in the lake and then jumping into the water with their dad.  My husband took me out on the jetski but I couldn't enjoy it because the fear of the water filled me with dread.  The kids fearlessly kayaked and I was frustrated.  A full year later, I am finally signing up for lessons.


I have strung together excuses for a long time.  I kept telling myself, oh I'm too sick from pregnancy.  Heb's work is too stressful right now, I can't get away.  I have a newborn and can't take the time.  And on and on.  It was something I said that I should do, that I needed to but never did.  I knew exactly where to take lessons, how to sign up for them but just didn't do it.  At the core, it wasn't any of the excuses that held me back, it was the fear. 

We were at a local water park a couple of weeks ago and Leo went down the big slide.  I stood there at the end watching him and something just snapped.  It was there I decided that I was done watching and that I was finally going to do something about it.  I was not going to miss out anymore. 

I've never been one who enjoyed the water.  As a child, I took lessons but never really caught on and spent much of my youth in the shallow end.  My family was not a "water family" and so it wasn't such a big deal that I never mastered swimming. 

Here I am, half way through the course and feeling like I am finally making progress.  The pride of taking action has filled me all week and makes me want to do more.  I don't want to hold back anymore.  As the lessons have gone on, I feel the fear of it all less and less and wonder why I didn't do it sooner.  Here's to taking the steps and facing the fears.  I can finally say that I'm doing it and I'm so proud.

Art in the City

On Saturday, Heber went out to get his hair cut.  He always goes to a nice salon down in Occoquan because he has rather complicated hair and they can actually get it right.  When he walked in, he had a present for me, a new hair curling rod set.  I was completely surprised.  He is a very thoughtful person, but we rarely buy gifts for each other like that.  I loved it and it made me feel so special.

That afternoon, we cashed in a favor and dropped the kids off with some friends.   We went into the National Gallery of Art in DC.  We'd been there just a few weeks ago with the kids and wanted to return to spend more time to see the art.  The colors and textures inspire me and the good company didn't hurt either.


Our original restaurant choice ended up being closed so we picked another on a whim.  It was a Spanish tapas restaurant, Jaleo, and turned out to be so good.  With tapas, they are small plates that you share the food.  Every single plate we ordered had just the right combination of textures and flavors.  Heber's favorite was the mashed potato and chorizo sausage.  Mine was a fried pork and potato dish but it was all good.  I am a notoriously bad orderer, which means that I rarely like what I order but we didn't have that problem there.
Trying new things together brightens up my life.  It's been a wild week.  It hasn't been overly busy with scheduled things, just the daily life of trying to care for a new baby, meeting the demands of a preschooler and keeping things together because people have to eat and have clean clothes.  The tiredness started to take over but I'm fighting it off and little bright spots like this day really help.  

I'm not sure if there is anyone out there reading this old blog anymore but I miss writing it.  I miss thinking about my life and writing it down.  So, if you're there, come on back soon. 

Waiting for Austin

In just a few days our little Austin will be born and I am left thinking "where did the last 10 months go" and "is it over yet?"  I am excited to welcome our new little person but I'm also filled with lots of mixed feelings.

This morning, I ran to the post office to mail off a stack of thank you cards.  I love thank you cards, I try to always write them.  With the outpouring of generosity lately, I have just been overwhelmed by all of the kind gifts.

My friend Erin offered to host a shower a couple of weeks ago.  I had secretly really hoped that someone would offer.  With on of my best friends moving this summer, I felt like it would be another loss with her moving.  When I was expecting Amy, we didn't have any celebratory gathering for her because we were moving.  For me, showers aren't about the gifts, people could come with nothing at all and I would be happy, it's just the celebrating of the new life that's important to me.

There was a big crowd at the "little pumpkin" shower and I was just so happy to see all the people that came to support me.  I felt like I had a village around me and it was such a nice change from all of the other pregnancies when I've moved right before and had to go the newborn phase without the support of local friends.  It was a beautiful day and I have been filled to the brim with gratitude and hope.

The shower was a much needed boost of morale around here.  This pregnancy has not been the easiest.  There were many months of sickness, discouragement and discomfort.  I felt a weakness that I haven't felt before, like I couldn't do or be the person that I wanted to be and that was hard to face.  This summer was a very emotional time for our family with challenges at Heber's work, which led to many late nights and stress.  We’ve all just been in a rut around here.  I am looking forward to the next chapter and moving on from pregnancy.

Three weeks ago, Heber tore out the upstairs bathroom shower.  This was a project that ballooned from wanting to redo the grout to an entirely new shower tile, tub and eventually a new floor, light fixture and vanity.  All of the non tub things will have to wait for a few months.  When I walked downstairs the morning after demolition and discovered a hole in our kitchen ceiling, well, I began to feel a little worried about this whole project. 
Days went by and Heber worked every night late into the night.  We’d be up at midnight making design decisions or talking through the next step in the process.  One night, I woke up to him drilling at 4:00 in the morning. What sounds like a very stressful time (just weeks before the due date) turned into something that we actually enjoyed.  Heber didn’t sleep much those weeks but posted very witty and creative daily updates on instagram. The whole project turned out beautifully and seemed to crack into this rut we’ve been in.

So, we’re waiting for Austin to come.  I'm very uncomfortable but trying to keep things as normal as possible.  Let's hope he comes soon!

The Popcorn Popper

This is a popcorn popper.  On the outside, there's nothing really special about this appliance but it means a lot to me.  We had it out to pop popcorn for family movie night last week and the kids overfilled it and it started smoking.  I thought for sure that it had died.

I've had that popper for nearly 15 years.  It was my first day at college at Utah State.  I was moving into my first apartment and I was terrified.  Starting new things and being in a new place can be really exciting but mostly scary.  My family was helping me to move in and as they left, I discovered that my dad had left this popcorn popper behind.

For years, popcorn had been a comfort food to me.  Heber would joke at the beginning of our marriage that if he came home to the smell of popcorn, he knew that something bad had happened.  I think it was a small way that my dad could tell me that it was going to be ok.

Now, the popper did not die and I was relieved because I wasn't ready to let it go.

So that's the memory I'll share on this Father's Day week.  As I mother, I see more clearly the challenges of knowing how to show a child love in a way that will meet their needs.  I appreciate my dad and all he's given me but especially that first day of college.

Quiet and Real Life

We returned home from the beach a couple of weeks ago and I must admit that it put me into somewhat of a bad mood.  A week of happiness and ease made the reality of life hit hard upon returning home.  My life is wonderful, there are so many good things happening but it's filled with a lot of work and responsibility.  When we crossed the line into Virginia, I felt my blood pressure rise a notch. 

There's something about the beach that just makes me completely relax.  Perhaps it's watching the beautiful view or spending happy time all together.  I always like to go to the beach alone and just watch the waves and listen to my own voice (which sometimes gets lost in all the responsibilities).  It's a time that I can step back from the chaos in my life and see more clearly what needs to happen. 

This trip Amy awoke at 6 and instead of trying to wrestle her back to sleep, we went to the beach and sat and watched.  I wanted to keep that feeling with me, one of contentment and calmness. 

So, it was back to real life and it was hard.  I decided that perhaps being out in nature together might bring back some of that feeling for me.  

I love sitting around a camp fire.  Life is just better there watching the flames, talking, eating good food.  It's more of a challenge here to find fire pits so we haven't, in all the years we've lived here, had a fire.  We went out to Prince William Forest and got ourselves a camp site.  We invited our friends, the Baird's, to join us and we had the more relaxing, lovely afternoon.  The kids frolicked (and I truly mean that word) in the forest and I thought of many afternoons past at my grandparent's cabin in Ophir.  How I miss those days.  Oh, and the delicious dutch oven chicken. 

 

 

We liked it so much that we went back the next Saturday to "hike."  I can't really call it a hike because we weren't going up a mountain, it was really just a walk through trees.  It's the Utah girl in me, I guess.  

We felt relaxed and happy and I thought that maybe these feelings exist outside the beach.  I'm going to keep trying to see.